After the Storm 8.0 — Cherry Lane, River District, North Central Eugene, Oregon USA

“I’m all lost in the super market

I can no longer shop happily

Came in here for a special offer

Guaranteed personality…”

My very good friend DR. LaF, who, in a former life, was an acupuncturist and well regarded amateur psychologist, has been keeping close tabs on me lately. I think she may have read that blog where I ended up laying prone on the edge of the hot tub with the giant January rain drops trying to wash away my sorrows, or maybe it was one of those other heart wrenching pieces I’ve been producing lately. Anyway she’s not exactly worried about me, but I think she thinks she can help.

So, while I’m working on building her a front door cover, we talk about my bad habits.

I travel too much and don’t write enough.

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I fall in love with extraordinary women. This is a personal fact, I won’t deny it. And of course the affair is always problematical. Becasue extraordinary people tend to seek out other extraordinary folks. I mean who can blame them? Myself being in the mid-range of ordinary, well I might play in the big extraordinary leagues for a little while, but eventually…well you get the idea. It can be pretty heart breaking. But if you are used to rejection anyway (and what writer is not) well, you can most likely handle it. You go through a miserable stage and then keep on kicking yourself. I mean what is the alternative, really?

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I suppose, I say to Dr. LaF, we could talk about my childhood and why my mother loved me more than all her other children.

Same old story, she says, you’ve obviously been warped and over-burdened by too much love.

Yeah, but I’m over it now. Can we talk about my REAL problem?

Check.

I wake up at 2 AM every morning and order something from Amazon.

Ouch, says Dr, LaF. You really ARE messed up.

I need help Doc.

Have you considered a 12 step program? Or maybe just fasting.

How does not eating help me sleep?

No, I mean an Amazon fast. Like why don’t you just start stopping the habit?

No Amazon? You mean just cold turkey?

Well, say you just give it up for Lent?

No Amazon after Ash Wednesday?

Well, it would be a start.

Hell Doc, I think I’ll just start right now. No more ordering from Amazon. Shut down and shut off. Imagine the money I can save….And all the stuff I don’t actually need!

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No more cast iron pizza pans, or microwave bacon cookers. No more bluetooth DVD players, or silicone pot holders. No more CYCOLOGIST t-shirts, digital TV antennas, or percussion massage guns. No more Clean Earth Day Planet flags, no more Wamcos Rebounder mini-trampolines, or 109 Brush Step entrance mats, no more….yeah and that was just the first half of last week…

Yikes! Says the doctor. Good luck stopping. Love yourself, pal.

She sent me a text later in the day. “How’s the Amazon fast going?”

Well, I write, I haven’t ordered anything in 12 hours.

You are on your way, she says.

Yeah, but I got my eye on a Three-Tier hanging fruit basket and a 14 inch pizza cutter by Kitchenstar.

I mean, Doc, they are only one click away….

Call me in the morning, she writes.