The One That Got Away — 8.0 — Casa Patagonia, Near Playa Tortuga, Cabo del Este, Los Cabos, BCS, MX

“Every great company started with a small idea, from a small mind” — Jeff Bozos

As, I am sure, you probably know, us super-geniuses all like to hang out together. Inventors, explorers, finely-muscled story-tellers, Korean film-makers, we all meet twice a week on-line (Steal-your-idea.com) and then fly our private electric jets for a monthly get together (energy drinks and finger food only) at The Darkside, a small, intensely secure and secluded retreat center near North-of-Nowhere, California.

I started hanging with the super-genius club in 1964 when I was ten years old. This was shortly after my first great invention was accepted by a prestigious academic journal (Mechanix Illustrated) as part of their “Inventions Wanted” monthly contest. My “Screw For The Bottom of a Beach Umbrella” was awarded a $5 prize and quickly stolen by the Japanese to become the popular best selling item you can currently find on the back isle at Walmart and Costco. I didn’t make a lot of money (just the $5) but soon I was recruited by the same organization that sponsored both “Water Monkeys” and “The Spoon-Straw”. Honestly, the experience helped make me what I am today.

Well, as any super-genius knows, there can be a very long incubation period between stunningly brilliant ideas. (Not so bad for me actually, it’s only been 56 years) But finally after much struggle I am ready to announce my second great invention.

A wise old man (my Dad) once told me two great pieces of advice: “Marry a rich woman” and “Get help when you need it”. I missed out on the first part, but this time I have dedicated myself to the second. Thusly I went to see my neighbor who is the Ambassador from Patagonia. I mean, he’s got to know some pretty smart folks in the garment industry right?

Patagonia, as you certainly know, is a small country just west of Ventura, California. It is a vast warehouse of a country, with rolling hills of recycled fleece, fields of organic cotton t-shirts, and a small impenetrable jungle of multi-colored climbing ropes. There is even a southern province completely dedicated to the practice of Recycled Tibetan Hemp Buddhism, though no one is exactly sure yet what that is. There is not a more progressive, innovative, and Bernie-leaning country from here all the way to Google. Perfect corporate soil for the seed of my new invention.

When I knock on the Ambassador’s door it is answered by the ever-lovely Ms. T. She has been married to the Ambassador for several decades. Frowning slightly she decides somewhat reluctantly to let me in. Ambassador G. is in his study. Apparently he is deeply involved in a morning meditation ritual common to the indigenous tribes of North Shore Oahu. Combining both an intricate yoga posture and a flat can of sex-wax, it is commonly referred to as “Waxing Down Surfboard.”

This could be perfect. I will catch him in a meditative state.

I decide to wear my new invention as I cross the foyer on my way to the study to see him. This way I can reward him with a dramatic introduction into the future. Surprise is an element us super-geniuses thrive on.

Messy details are not necessary here. A stunning awkwardness is the only way to describe his reaction. He has but one word for me (not counting the words: “Get out” which weren’t REALLY part of the conversation).

“No,” Ambassador G. says. Which all us super-geniuses know is a simple code for “YES!, But not now”

I fold my invention neatly and on the way out I pause at the front door and I smile graciously at Ms. T who is now looking at me with renewed curiosity and what can only be termed admiration. She will certainly be first on my list to be rewarded with an advanced model of the “Mosley Bug-
roof Mediation Helmet” which I will give her several months before it is internationally marketed by: Well… now I’m thinking: L.L Bean of Maine.

After-all I grew up in New England and that is where my first invention was so successful.

Additionally this whole experience has given me a new idea. I will next invent a time machine that allows the user to send ideas into the past. This way I can send the Bug-Proof M.H. back to Mechanix Illustrated, November 1965. Inventions Wanted will love it I am sure. THEY were visionaries.

Plus I could sure use the $5. It’s like $7.50 in today’s money……